Our Rainbow after the Storm

Hello friends and family! Please excuse my blogging hiatus.  It is a joy to be back in the blogging world to share some exciting news with you! Alan and I are EXPECTING! Our precious baby will be here (Lord willing) in March!  We found out on July 1st that a little sweet miracle was growing inside of me. Before I get too wrapped up in this current pregnancy, I must explain the main reason I have been absent from blogging. As many of you know, Alan and I lost our first precious baby at 22 weeks this past winter.  It was the hardest, most devastating situation that we have endured in our lives thus far.  I will not go into much detail, but the main reason I bring this up is so you will know how difficult this current pregnancy has been and how thankful I am for each and every day with this baby. I take nothing for granted. I also bring it up to share with you that God is good and He is faithful. We would not be where we are today without His never-ending grace and hope.  Alan and I also want to say thank you. If you are reading this post, you more than likely said prayers, sent a card or flowers, or often asked how we were doing during that difficult time.  I didn't get a chance to personally thank everyone, but you will never know how much it meant to us to have so much love and support from so many people.  We are forever grateful.  Since going through such a dark season, I am much more sensitive to those who have lost a child, who have a child with developmental struggles, or are having trouble conceiving a child. My heart aches for all those who find themselves in these situations.  My prayer for each of you is that God will give you peace that passes all understanding, hope for the future, and patience to wait on His perfect timing in all things.  

As I mentioned, we found out about this little blessing on July 1st.  The combination of emotions that I felt at that time were overwhelming.  Happy and blessed to be given the chance to be a mother again, terrified that I might lose another child, hopeful that this pregnancy will be different, sad that our first baby never made it into my arms, anxious to make sure that all was going well so far, hesitant to even begin to get excited in fear of our hopes being crushed again.  After a few days wrestling with these emotions I finally had to take everything to Jesus and lay it at His feet.  God has blessed me with this baby but this baby belongs to Him. I am so honored and so thankful that He has entrusted Alan and me to parent this child for as long as He allows, but we are not promised tomorrow. This whole pregnancy I have been cautiously optimistic, meaning I am very hopeful that we will have a healthy baby in 5 months but I am also extremely aware that I do not control what happens with this baby. The comforting part is that God is in control. And even though God was in control in our first pregnancy which ended in tremendous heartbreak, He had a purpose greater than I will ever be able to comprehend.  And even though His ways do not always make sense to us, His ways are always good.  So throughout the remainder of this pregnancy I will continue to rest in the comfort that no matter what happens, God will never leave our side and His grace is sufficient in every situation. Praise God for that! 

I am currently 16 weeks pregnant as I type this post, and things are progressing beautifully so far. As I enter my second trimester the tiredness and sickness seem to be subsiding (some) and I am welcoming the cooler weather with open arms. We had an ultrasound a few days ago, and so far everything looks great. We will continue to get ultrasounds every two weeks for the remainder of the pregnancy (yay!!!) and keep praying that we will leave with happy news after each appointment. 

We were surprised and so excited that our ultrasonographer was able to tell the gender of our sweet baby at our 14 week ultrasound! We weren't really expecting to find out until around 16 weeks, but baby cooperated and we left with the big secret in an envelope. I immediately drove to Sweet Dreams, the sweetest baby store there ever was, and picked out a BLUE gown and a PINK gown for our baby to wear home from the hospital. I handed the gowns and the envelope to the lady who worked there and left the store while she opened the envelope and wrapped the colored gown that represented the gender inside. Alan and I rushed home, freshened up, and headed out to dinner to find out if we would be throwing BALL or playing with DOLLS in our future!?!? The only downside was Alan's work schedule. We could not get home to tell our families for another 3 weeks!!! For those of you who know me,  you are probably shocked I kept it a secret that long. But I did it :) My mother and my sister have tried to read my every tone and emotion, but I have tried my best to be as neutral as possible.  So what is Baby Cease..........?

Stay tuned for the next post :) It will be full of PINK or BLUE!!